Tag Archives: marriage proposal

¿Y Ahora Qué?

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I was dying to go dancing.
I knew where I wanted to go, but it was just far enough that just going and hoping to find people to dance with was not necessarily something I wanted to risk.
On the other hand, I knew there would be a live band and I knew some “friends” (SEE: Exs) would be playing so it’s not exactly like I would be ALONE alone.

I asked a friend, but he couldn’t come.
I asked a buddy I knew was there all the time, but he wasn’t going.

So I went alone.

When I walked in, my attention was immediately captured by a dancer I’d never seen before. And I decided I would dance with him before the night was over.

I found my “friends” and sat down with them. Of course, they were sitting with the Cuban from a few weeks ago who had proposed to me and his girlfriend. She was so quiet and barely looked me in the eye. I wondered if she hated me under pure suspicion of what had transpired a few weeks ago. Shrugging it off, I sat and chatted happily and then my “friends” got up to play, so I got up to dance.

During the next break, I made my way back to the table and … what was this? The dancer I had lost track of was sitting there! PERFECT!

After being introduced, I found out that not only was The Dancer a Cuban, he was the BEST FRIEND of the Cuban with the girlfriend. Awesome.

My “friends” got up to play again, the Cuban got up to dance with his girlfriend and I was left alone with The Dancer.
That was when The Challenge came up:
The Dancer: You drove 45 minutes for this?!?
Me: Sure, why not?
The Dancer: I would never drive 45 minutes for anything. Especially not this.
Me (to myself): Uh huh, we’ll see about that.
Me (to him): Ok, well, let’s dance.
The Dancer: You’re boyfriend won’t get jealous?
Me: First of all, he’s not my boyfriend. Second, even if he was, no… he likes to share.

Half a dance later…
The Dancer: Ok, maybe I would drive 45 minutes for THIS…
Me (to myself): I win.
Me (to him): Good to know, but don’t get any ideas of driving anytime soon…
The Dancer: How soon is soon? What are you doing tomorrow?
Me: I’m busy. And soon is, at least, March.

The night ended with a text informing me that I had no idea what I was missing, but hopefully I’d be willing to find out soon. If I had a nickel …

My plans for Friday night fell through, right along with my Saturday night plans.
I had been dying to go dancing at a Cuban place in Hollywood and had convinced a buddy of mine to be willing to make the drive with me on Saturday night, but he ended up having to work.

I sent The Dancer a message on Friday night saying that I might be available, but would let him know in an hour.
I admit, my intentions had been less than honorable. I really just wanted to win again. I had no intention of going anywhere Friday night.

He won.
He said he was going to a Cuban place in Hollywood and would love for me to meet him there.
Damn it. I hadn’t planned for that one. It was the one thing I couldn’t say no to.

It was another magic evening.
The girlfriend and her Cuban boyfriend were there and she was suddenly my best friend.
I was being introduced to all kinds of people and everyone found me to be the amazing person I am.

The Dancer and I danced and talked and it was great.
And the more we talked, the more amazing it was.
He even said that wonderfully cliché line of: Where have you been hiding all this time?

So I was winning, until he answered his own question and things took a turn for the worse: That’s right, you’ve been behind a cloud of darkness.
Me: Excuse me?
The Dancer: Don’t try to tell me there was nothing going on between you and that negro last night. [Negro as in the Spanish word for “black.”]
Me: Well, not last night, but once upon a time, sure. That was years ago, though.
The Dancer: How could you do that? You are so much better than that. Don’t tell me you’re actually attracted to negros?
Me: Seriously?
The Dancer: I’m sorry, but I don’t eat where a negro has eaten. I’m giving you this one chance because there’s just something about you, but consider yourself SUPER lucky!

I was instructed to text when I got home safely and that he would call me the next day, which surprised me since he didn’t seem to be able to get past my past.

And I guess he didn’t have the guts to tell me that to my face, because he never did call…

I can’t help but go back and forth between feeling irritated at such stupidity and totally ashamed of my choices from 5 years ago.

¿Y ahora qué?
So, now what?

Check Please!

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I was out to lunch with my sister, mami, and mami’s in-laws. Since mom didn’t have cash, she asked me to have the waiter give us a separate check.

Me: Can you give us a separate check?
Him: Only because you’re so beautiful.
Me (to myself): I don’t care about your reasons so long as you’re making it happen.
Me (to him): Thank you!

Later…
Him (to MY MOTHER): Suegra, I just wanted to introduce myself. I actually thought you were her sister.
(For those non-Spanish speakers, “Suegra” means Mother-In-Law.)

And then he brought me Kevin for dessert…

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Terms of Endearment

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Him 1: Hey babes!!
Him 2: Hey sexy!!!! What are you up to?
Him 3: Hola, mi vida!
Him 4: How are you doing, honey?
Him 5: Sorry babe
Him 6: Que haces, mi amor?
Him 7: Hun, can I ask you a question?
Him 8: Good night, love.
Him 9: MAMITAAAA!
Him 10: Corazón…
Him 11: ‘Sup, hot stuff?
Him 12: Hello, Gorgeous!

No, this is not a complete list.

With everyone calling me their honey love babe, you’d think I get around… a LOT. And I don’t! (Although, I’m starting to think maybe I should…)

Each time someone who purports to be my friend calls me something like this, my first thought is: “Since when am I your [insert term of endearment here]?

Then I react to whatever word was and who it’s coming from…

Hot Stuff = What year are we in? Am I required to respond to this?
Gorgeous = True, but is this a Barbra Streisand movie? Or are you suggesting I have a big nose? (I do, but that’s not important right now)
Babes = More than one?
Sexy = I thought gays were the only one who used that when referring to a female they had never been … *ahem* … intimate with?
Mi Vida = Your life? Really? You might want to think about getting a new one…
Honey = Goes in tea and on bread.
Babe = Last time I checked, I was not a talking pig
Mi Amor = Did you fall in love with me during these past months that I hadn’t been talking to you?
Love = I’m sorry, are you British?
MAMITAAAA = No, I don’t have children. (And, NO, I do not want to have yours… and NO, I do not want to practice with you, either.)
Corazón = Why don’t you give your heart to someone who cares?
Hun = As in “Attila the…”?

I have a name. And I have a nickname. And nicknames for the nickname.

Must these fools persist to annoy me with “relationship-y” words when one (or both) of us has no desire for such status?

Granted, it would likely be far less annoying if it was just one or two fools participating in such behavior, but it seems to be a damned epidemic. Even those I did not consider to be so foolish have managed to irritate me with this nonsense.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind being called any of the aforementioned terms of endearment under the right circumstances (with the exception of “Hot Stuff” which will probably always make me gag in a not good way); however, none of the current examples were presented under the right circumstances.

Look, kids, either we’re just friends or we’re not just friends. If we are not friends, then we should probably have a conversation about that during which I will bluntly explain why we should stick to friends. If we are just friends, then I have compiled a list of acceptable “friendly” terms of endearment for your future use that will not blur The Line:

Sunshine: because yes, I am bright and happy and warm… and it sounds even better when said with a hint of sarcasm
Homeslice: cracks me up every time
Homeskillet:  seriously, cracking up over here
Precious: because I love Lord of the Rings and you would know that if you were my friend

All other suggestions will be submitted to management for review.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Abuela Duty

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Last Saturday…
Him: I had a dream about you last night. You were very flexible… So, what are you doing tonight? Want to go to Pedrito’s Posada with me?
Me: I’m on abuela duty.
Me (to myself): And I’m not that flexible.

 

On Monday…
Him: What are you doing for New Years?
Me: I think I’m going to Palm Springs.
Him: Who is he?
Me: There is no “he.” Debbie invited me.
Him: How am I supposed to get my New Year’s kiss if you’re in Palm Springs?
Me: You wouldn’t get one. I don’t kiss at midnight.
Him: I’m heartbroken now. It was the perfect excuse to kiss you… What are you doing tonight?
Me (to myself): Staying away from you, it would seem.
Me: I’m on abuela duty.

 

Today…
Him
: I miss you too much already*…. Can I just propose and get it over with? This way you can be around more…
Me: Stop it. Wait… I forgot that it’s Friday**. Yes, go ahead.
Him: I got some chickens, a cow couple of goats and some pigs. I think that should be a good thing to present…. Besides I have been saving myself for marriage and you would be my first. Estoy señorito.
Me: I don’t believe you… about the chickens.
Him: I think your grandma would appreciate that kind of live stock that I am presenting to get you. A few people are coming over for dinner tomorrow, you should stop by. You could even stay the night if you like.
Me: Thanks, but I have family stuff and will be on abuela duty.
Him: You’re always on abuela duty.
Me (to myself): She is the best excuse I have when “I just don’t want to” won’t work.
Me: Yeap.

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*Already? I can’t even remember the last time I’d seen him. And this was the first ever that I was hearing about him missing me. Granted, he invites me over all the time, but I rarely go.

**There were three Fridays in September where various individuals asked me to marry them for various reasons. I had shared the stories with this friend of mine, he found it hilarious and tried proposing the following Sunday. I explained I only accept proposals on Fridays so he waited for the next Friday. Today’s story marks the third time he has jokingly proposed. I am starting to worry.

Thank you, but No

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Two proposals in one weekend.

That’s a little much.
ESPECIALLY when there isn’t any basis for them. No, I’m sorry, “Love at First Sight” is not a good reason to ask me to spend the rest of my life committed to you and NO, I am not prepared to have a child with you, especially if you expect it to be a son. How about we do this instead: You never call me again, ok? Good luck finding someone else. I’m sure you will. I really hope you do.

And he was a babalao, a Santeria priest. To say I was creeped out would be to put it mildly. Yes, God is bigger, but that doesn’t mean those other “gods” aren’t big. And I am not sure why they keep wanting to mess with me, but I’m not into it.

On Sunday, another babalao offered to be my sugar daddy. I  could live in his home where there would be constant parties and dancing and my job description would be: Arm Candy.

Gentlemen, you do not treat Kikita that way. She has way too much life in her to agree to be a “kept woman.”

When I wasn’t having it, he tried to pimp me out to his younger friend. (Oh, did I forget to mention this fool was probably in his 50s?)

The other proposal came from a long time friend who needed a favor. Unfortunately for him, when we stopped dating and crossed into the friend one, there would be no going back. All politics aside, I just could’t do it.

There was another guy who asked me to be his girlfriend and I gave him the same answer, “Thank you, but no.”

NEXT!

(Sometimes it really is difficult being so damned amazing.)