The Roxbury Twins


When one is suffering from “Freshly Single Stupidity,” there will inevitably be consequences.

Some are worse than others.

If you feel a case of FSS coming on the best thing you can do is: STEP AWAY FROM THE ALCOHOL.

Trust me, you can do stupid all by yourself.

For example, if you are out at a concert and still bummed that you’re not there with a certain special someone who is no longer so special, you may be tempted to just give your number out to … just about anyone. This is not jumping back in with both feet; this is a belly flop into an empty pool.

Now that a new stranger with the most intense eyebrows you’ve ever seen has your number, don’t you wish you remembered his name? Good thing he’s the “text first” type, because the “who is this” stuff is harder to pull off on the phone. I’m sure you really were just excited to find new people to dance with, but next time try dancing with them before you give them your number.

The good news is that you can just ignore phone calls, right? Of course, right.

The better news is that you were so happy to have new dance friends that you told them where you would be dancing a few days later and will most likely run into them.

So you suck it up and are polite. And might realize he’s not such a bad guy, this Eyebrow Man. In fact, he’s kind of funny… Perhaps a little on the short yet gangly side, but funny. And his taller, and rounder, friend is very sweet. Eyebrow Man is a better person sober. You know this because you were sober the night you met him (having learned the FSS + ALCOHOL = BAD lesson early on in life so you didn’t need to repeat that one) and he was very much not sober.

You might notice that you don’t have anyone else to hang out with and have many more hours to wait before the band you came to see is going to start. But, hey! You’ve got new dance friends and might actually enjoy their company! Now you just need to get the to dance… except, they’re eating. No problem! you’ll find other people to dance with in the meantime. You ARE quite the social butterfly, after all.

As far as your dancing goes, you’re having a magical night. One of those nights where people can’t take their eyes off of you. you are in The Zone and having too much fun to care about anything but the music.

Finally, the band starts and Laurel and Hardy (aka Eyebrow Man and friend) found me. It was crowded so it was nearly impossible to do anything but step side to side and move my hips, shoulders, whatever. It was “standing dancing” not dancing with the stars dancing. The kind of dancing that happens when you’ve chosen to be close to the stage. And that’s when I felt it.

The Bump.


And then again. *BUMP*

Like I was in a crowded store and everyone was looking for the same thing. Maybe Bump isn’t even the right word… perhaps Jostle is better.

And it happened again.

And again.

And it almost knocked me over.

To say it “threw off my groove” would be incorrect. This Bump did not throw my groove off, it launched me.

It was not with mild irritation that I turned to see who the Bumpers were. They smiled like little kids. They were so happy. They had no idea how ridiculous they looked.

In that moment, I was so sad to be there by myself. I NEEDED someone to witness this moment.
I had just been transported to the Roxbury and I was being danced with by the Roxbury Twins.

I narrowly escaped.

If I ever run into them again, I just hope there are people with me to share the Roxbury experience with.

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